Bill needs to punch that incredibly obnoxious Geico “Peter Pan” in the nose. AmIRight?
JoAnne needs to kick that incredibly obnoxious Geico “Peter Pan” in the groin. AmIRight?
I wish the incredibly obnoxious “Peter Pan” would choke on that shrimp. AmIRight?
That high school class should tell that incredibly obnoxious Geico “Peter Pan” the wrong date and place for next year’s reunion. AmIRight?
Geico should pull that incredibly obnoxious Geico “Peter Pan” commercial off the air. AmIRight?
I’m not going to go all Howard Beale on you and say “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” but I will say, “I’m bored out of my mind and I’m not going to watch it anymore.” I am, of course, talking about golf’s penchant for force feeding us the same TIRED, OLD, MALE events in November and December.
You know the drill… If you want to watch something other than the Army Navy Game, college basketball or the NBA you better be prepared to view the same thing various networks have shoved down our throats for dozens of years. The sad thing is it used to be mildly to mostly interesting, now it’s rated TV-OM (old and male). So this past weekend was the annual event wasteland known as Shark Shootout/Father Son weekend (okay it isn’t really known as that but that’s what it is). For four days golf fans hungering for something sunny to watch were subjected to two events that, on their own or combined, couldn’t have been less interesting. The Franklin Templeton Shootout (formerly known as the “Shark Shootout”) and The PNC Father Son Challenge (Formerly known as the Office Depot/MBNA WorldPoints/Del Webb Father Son Challenge) were, once upon a time, fresh, fun and fetching. One (the Shark) started in 1989 and featured guys we liked and loved to not like including Freddie, Norman, Raymond, Elk, Lanny, Davis (not Lanny Davis) and Calc playing as part of two man teams with a different format (Scramble, Four Ball and Greensomes in which both players tee off, pick the best option and play alternate shot from there) each day. It was fun, until it wasn’t.
The Father Son Challenge, first played in 1995, was an even better idea. The greats of the game and Hall of Fame members (Nicklaus, Floyd, Irwin, and more) teamed with various male offspring in a two-day, two man team format to the delight of television audiences all across the country. Arnold Palmer played, even though he didn’t have a son, partnering with grandson Sam Saunders and Fuzzy Zoeller tabbed daughter Gretchen making the title of the event more than a little inaccurate but we didn’t care! These legends, and it turned out, their offspring could play and it was great to see them together. Then the fathers and the sons, grandsons and daughters got old and even the nostalgia factor couldn’t keep it compelling. In fact in was so uninteresting that there wasn’t even an event from 2009 to 2011.
I tried to watch some of both this year and honestly couldn’t for long despite Steve Sands telling me “saying Nicklaus for birdie never gets old.” It did. Or Greg Norman, now a broadcaster and not a participant, pretending that watching Harris English outdrive Matt Kuchar was compelling. It’s not. When it was all said and done the team of Dufner and Snedeker won one and Wadkins and Wadkins won the other but this golf fan was long gone from both. But lucky for golf I’m here to fix this but it’s going to take an open mind, a willingness to alienate and eliminate some folks and, most of all, cooperation.
Once upon a time we had The Skins Game, the J.C Penney Mixed Team and The Skills Challenge and other “Silly Season” events. All golf dinosaurs now. I’m not suggesting bring those events back but I am suggestiong the current iterations of both the Shark Shootout and the Father/Son/Daugher/Grandson Challenge join them on the scrap heap. I would replace them with a hybrid, multi sponsored, combination network broadcast, new event. Keep the two or three day, Scramble, Better Ball and Greensomes formats but wouldn’t it be great to see Inbee Park and Lydia Ko or Lexi Thompson and Michelle Wie in the mix? How about Ollie Schneiderjans and Bryson DeChambeau or Leona Maguire and Mariah Stackhouse teeing it up. Or, heaven forbid, what about Jason Day and Lydia Ko as a TEAM or Stanford stars Maverick McNealy and “The Big Wiesy” playing together. But that’s just the start.
These events, and this one would be the same, celebrate the greats of the past and there is no reason Jack, Raymond and Faldo couldn’t, wouldn’t and shouldn’t be involved. Maybe a nine hole shootout on the last day or a pro celebrity skills challenge on the first? My final and probably most controversial “fix” to the boredom in general and these two mastadons of the silly season in particular is a simulcast. Right now one is on FOX (with Golf Channel poaching the first two rounds), the other on NBC so the most interested of golf fans is switching back and forth. In my perfect world this new event, with those great new teams, would be broadcast on all three channels (FOX, NBC and Golf Channel) at the same time. There would be one main production (much like a World Feed) but FOX could concentrate, with a couple of their own cameras on one grouping or aspect of the event (the young guns) while NBC could do the same with another (say the Legends) and Golf Channel following suit with the third (maybe the LPGA teams).
I asked someone “in the know” what Franklin Templeton or PNC “gets” out of these events and this person answered simply, “hospitality”. The opportunity to host the company’s top earners, brass or treasured clients. Made sense and my new event would serve the same purpose but with a better product. Wouldn’t PNC’s folks love to watch and/or rub elbows with Day, Wie, Stacy Lewis and Spieth as well as Nicklaus and Faldo? And wouldn’t the vice versa be true of the Franklin Templeton people? The event could even rotate among venues chosen by the corporate partners.
Come on, you know it would work and it would be a lot more compelling opposite the Army/Navy football or Kentucky/Western Kentucky college basketball games than the underwhelming, around-too-long events that some people would like to believe we are watching now. If Don Ohlmeyer was sill in the business he’d figure out a way to get it done.
“If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me”
ABBA
I have mentioned, on numerous occasions, in this space that I am a four decades veteran of sports television broadcasting and as such spend some part of nearly every day exasperated, agitated or aggravated at something I see or hear while watching sports TV. But nothing irritates me more these days than hearing various announcers on ESPN tout the broadcasting behemoth’s Football Power Index (FPI) as an accurate predictor of the outcome of sporting contests. No one does it more, on any of the network’s talk, or opinion shows, than Mike Greenberg but as I scroll through all the channels that ESPN offers the ubiquitous “Bottom Line” scrolls constantly at the bottom of my screen heralding the figures from the mostly statistic based, gratingly nebulous, FPI.
“What’s the problem?” you ask.
Why the agita?” you wonder
The reason for my consternation is simple; one monosyllabic word, “chance“.
Webster defines “chance” in a number of ways, first and foremost it is, “the absence of any cause of events that can be predicted, understood or controlled: often personified or treated as a positive agency: Chance governs all.” The second definition further bolsters my campaign for change defining “chance” as, “luck or fortune”.
So when Mike Greenberg quotes ESPN’s FPI, or I read it for myself on the “Bottom Line”, that Alabama has a 56% chance of winning its bowl game or the Carolina Panthers have a 23% chance of going undefeated I cry “foul” at my television screen. In reality there is a 100% chance of BOTH things happening. I have a better source than Webster to come to my defense. I need only think back to the movie making mastery of Dumb and Dumber when Jim Carrey’s character Lloyd asks Lauren Holly’s character Mary what the chances are of them ending up together. After some thought and back and forth she tells him that the odds are one in a million to which he famously, quotably and happily responds, “So you’re saying there’s a chance!”
I know the folks in Bristol don’t want to hear it but the way to fix this confusion is simple; change the word! The way to do it comes once again from a book most people use far too infrequently, the dictionary. Back to Webster which lists the third preferred definition of “chance” as, “a possibility or probability of anything happening.”
“There it is!” you say
“So what’s the problem?” you wonder
Yes it’s there, I agree and the problem is Webster gives ESPN the perfect words to use to clear up any ambiguity right there in black and white but the network refuses to take advantage of the opportunity. Just have Mike Greenberg and the “Bottom Line” use plain English and tell me, and every other viewer, whether they care or don’t care about semantics, that Alabama has a 56% “probability” of winning its bowl game or the Carolina Panthers have a 23% “possibility” of going undefeated. Either word is more correct than “chance” and both clear up any confusion while saving me the money I’m currently spending on TUMS.
The reasons for ESPN not doing this could be varied. Maybe the intern, PA, or AP responsible for the verbiage is following orders, maybe that person is lazy or maybe that young man or woman, fresh out of Syracuse, worries that it will make life miserable for the enunciation challenged Adnan Virk. Whatever the reason I implore my former colleagues and bosses at ESPN to think of the viewer and do the right thing and CHANGE THE WORD!
I know, fat chance.
I thought the Golden State Warriors might suffer their first defeat last night in Indiana. I was wrong.
why does Geico continue to run the annoyingly awful “final countdown” and “Peter Pan” commercials while keeping Ickey Woods “get some cold cuts” on the shelf
i might be the world’s worst Christmas present wrapper
hey Kay Cockerill tell the SF Giants you’ll get Yeonis Cespedes a membership at Olympic Club if he signs with them
it’s pretty disappointing that Nevada’s bowl opponent is another Mountain West Conference team and the game isn’t even on real tv
I recently came across and read Golf Digest magazine’s poll on golf television coverage and came away realizing now, more than ever before, what little I have in common with the people who pay attention to this particular publication AND claim to watch golf on TV.
This year’s version of the clickbait can be accessed at golfdigest.com and is titled Change of Thrones: Golf Digest’s New TV Survey. It features the expected favorite/least favorite questions as well as some off the wall queries including “Would you be more likely to watch and event if you could PLACE A BET (the capitalization is the magazine’s not mine) on the players? and Which celebrity would you most like to see doing a golf telecast? But the backbone of the survey are the questions about viewers/readers favorite and least favorite network, hosts/play-by-play folks, analysts, on course announcers and interviewers and the answers struck me as curious and interesting if not enlightening.
The survey begins with the question, “How many different televised golf tournaments have you watched in the past year (either live or recorded)?” Apparently, by looking at the results, the minimum number was 10 (a choice of 15%) with an overwhelming majority (52%) selecting 20 or more. That number is not entirely unexpected from the readership of a golf-centric publication but as I read on some of the answers to other questions seem to fly in the face of conventional thinking. Before I give my opinion on some of those let me share with you a couple of responses that didn’t surprise me at all:
1) Nick Faldo supplants Johnny Miller as Favorite Analyst
Sir Nick claimed the top spot with 58% while Johnny slipped to second for the first time in two decades while still garnering 53% of the vote. Makes sense to me since Nick Faldo, in my opinion, is getting better while Johnny hasn’t improved or declined over the same period of time. Faldo, I believe, also benefitted from a couple of other developments that were different from the last time this survey was conducted… CBS (for whom Faldo works) added Frank Nobilo as a hole announcer giving Nick a new and interesting broadcaster with which to work AND for the first time in decades Johnny Miller was not involved in the televising of any of the events which historically account for the most eyeballs, golf’s four major championships. Faldo worked on two (The Masters and The PGA Championship) while Johnny got shut out. Alex Myers of Golf Digest also sites this as a reason for Miller’s runner up finish.
2) Golf Channel is Cited as the Best Network for Televised Golf
38% of those who took the survey picked the all golf network as the BEST, beating CBS (29%) by nine percentage points. You might be surprised to note that NBC came in third with a relatively measly 11% unless you read between the lines and suppose that the majority of respondents can’t, or don’t, distinguish between Golf Channel and Golf Channel on NBC (which is how the over the air network brands its coverage). Combining the two gives the Comcast owned brothers-in-arms a whopping 49% which, if you ask me, is exactly how NBC golf producer Tommy Roy sees it.
3) Nobody Watches Morning Drive
Again no surprise but the curious thing to me is why the magazine decided to even ask the question, “How often do you watch “Morning Drive” on Golf Channel?” According to the publication nearly 2,000 people responded to the survey and a not so shocking 75% answered either Rarely or Never to this question. Three quarters of survey takers who claim to be avid golfers and/or watchers of golf on television rarely or never watch an all golf network’s so called “signature” program. 21% did say they watch multiple times a week while only 5% say they watch it daily, figures that are born out by weekly ratings that you can find at awfulannouncing.com
There were other answers to questions that came as no surprise including 41% still want to watch Tiger Woods even if he is out of contention and 81% would still rather play golf than watch golf on TV (15%) but there were also responses to questions that I found baffling:
1) Viewers Dislike ESPN’s Coverage but They LOVE the Network’s Announcers
The numbers show ESPN is the fourth Best (3% like the network) and second Worst (13% don’t, second only to TNT) but Mike Tirico, Peter Allis, Paul Azinger and Curtis Strange ALL land near the top of the favorites list in their specific categories and it’s all based on the network’s coverage of ONE, count it, ONE event, The British Open. I know ESPN also carries Thursday/Friday coverage of The Masters but that is a CBS production.
2) Jimmy Roberts is the Top Choice for a Job He No Longer Does
This is a prime example of what elicits my confusion about the survey and its respondents in the first place. How can anybody who claims to watch 20 or more televised golf tournaments a year pick Jimmy Roberts (32%) as their favorite interviewer? The man lost that job to Steve Sands (who is excellent by the way and gets 19% of the vote).
That curious response goes hand in hand with other odd responses and here are a couple… Judy Rankin is the survey takers fourth favorite on course reporter (39%) but she spends 99% of her time in the booth as an analyst. Vince Cellini is the respondents least favorite on course reporter but to my knowledge the man doesn’t cover TNT’s action from “on course”.
The U. S. Women’s Open (51%) is far and away the one event people would watch if they could only watch one women’s event. On the other side of the gender spectrum the U. S. Open is an even bigger winner grabbing 66% of the vote. So which events did the survey takers pick as their next favorite? The Solheim Cup (22%) and The Ryder Cup (12%) is the answer. “Mudball!” I cry. You CAN’T include events that are played every other year in a question that asks what event you would watch if you could only watch one a year.
And finally Fox is well represented in the announcer columns. Joe Buck gets the most votes (39%) for least favorite play-by-play/host, his partner Greg Norman leads the way (25%) as the least favorite analyst, Steve Flesch (15%) is tied for third as least favorite hole announcer and Shane Bacon, Charles Davis, Robert Lusetich and Holly Sonders are all in the top five of least favorite reporters/interviewers (to be fair Holly is also listed at third on the favorite side of tis issue) but for some inexplicable reason FOX was not an option included in the best/worst network question answered by respondents.
Bottom line is that this survey can be an enjoyable read but if you’re in search of meaningful information you might want to seek out other sources. As Vin Scully said, “statistics are used much like a drunk uses a lamppost: for support not illumination.”
Stanford vs Ohio State should be a heck of a Rose Bowl
if I were a betting man I’d put some donero on Clemson
Zach Greinke may need Paul Goldschmidt to hit 100 home runs
dog is mad… Christmas tree now occupies her favorite nap space
if you follow Kay Cockerill on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram you know for a fact she leads a great life
I used to think the worst job in the world was sitting in a toll booth all day. Now I think it’s White House Press Secretary
One problem with advancements in sports television technology is that we have stopped celebrating athletic achievement
Creed is a very good movie
The great Vin Scully once said “statistics are used much like a drunk uses a lamppost: for support, not illumination”. Seems particularly relevant lately
If you haven’t read a Christopher Moore book you should change that
Things I’m not shocked by… The on air patsies at ESPN making excuses for ingrate Ezekiel Elliott
There should be a third choice on The Voice eliminations… Send them both packing
I am going shopping in several real stores with real people this holiday season
When do the Warriors possibly lose their first? 8 games from now at Indiana?
This used to be The Skins Game week. I miss that
The maybe more than slightly senile Dick Vitale just compared Duke’s Grayson Allen to John Havlicek
Silly things football announcers say, “he’s got the first down, AND MORE!” Does anyone get “the first down EXACTLY” or the “first down, AND LESS”?
If Urban Meyer had ANY integrity he would sit ingrate Ezekiel Elliott for the rest of forever
I bet Vernon Davis is happy to NOT be a 49er anymore. Guessing Colin Kaepernick can’t wait to follow him out of that dumpster fire
If Kevin Kisner wins a golf tournament nobody watches does he still get invited to The Masters
NBC/Golf Channel just announced it has hired Jim McKay as an on course announcer for its coverage. He’ll start getting paid at the upcoming British Open. The announcement came as no surprise considering the network gave “Bones” an audition last November. The following is what I wrote after tgat try out. Here’s hoping McKay gets better now that he’s getting a paycheck…
Friday and Saturday golf fans were treated to new voices and perspectives as then NBC golf production team included PGA TOUR “bagmen” John Wood and Jim MacKay as on course announcers during the RSM Classic shows that aired on Golf Channel. The loopers probably spent Thursday observing and then got “hooked up” for the broadcasts on Friday and Saturday.
If I were a betting man I’d risk losing a shekel or two on the guess that producer Tommy Roy told both veteran caddie/rookie announcers which groupings they would be assigned at least 24 hours in advance. As good as Roy is he most likely even knew, close to exactly, on which hole those groupings would be when the broadcast went live. By the sounds of what came out of both guy’s mouths MacKay and Wood used that knowledge, and approached their assignments, very differently.
Right out of the gate Bones began prattling away about things he had clearly rehearsed in his mind that he wanted to say. I could picture him standing in front of a hotel room mirror practicing his lines about the importance of “keeping the ball out of the hazard” off the tenth tee or how he would make sure to come across as magnanimous by telling people “Harry” English was “one of the nicest guys you’ll ever want to meet”. He even threw in a “perfect tee shot” for good measure on just the third shot he called. Then for the rest of the day, when not prompted to tell a story, he talked a lot and said very little. MacKay spent most of his time “trying to be an announcer” instead of simply announcing.
Eventually, either prompted by Roy or on their own initiative Gary Koch, Curt Byrum and Rich Lerner spared us the babble by getting Bones to talk about his regular boss, Phil Mickelson. Some of the stories about Phil were his best moments even though he labored for breath as he told most of them.
For the most part his commentary wasn’t much different than what we hear from a lot of announcers; cliche riddled… “Many ways to skin a cat”, “helps to have that shot in the arsenal”, “Sahara desert”, “dinner will taste better”, and telling us what we could see with our own two eyes or talking over the “real” caddie/player conversation.
John Wood did just the opposite. His commentary, mercifully unprompted most of the time, was intelligent, interesting and insightful. He talked about the importance of “flighting the ball in the wind” or the need for the caddie to keep his player focused while preparing to play each shot. In the multiple minutes I watched I didn’t hear one cliche come out of Wood’s mouth and he was always ready with pertinent information when the grouping he was following was the focus. Unfortunately it felt like he got about half as much airtime as MacKay but in that time was at least twice as good.
A broadcaster and friend told me, after I had given him my initial thoughts, that “to expect someone to come in and be great would be an insult to the craft” and I agree. I don’t think any player turned announcer to whom I gave a mic was “great” right out of the gate but several were very, very good including Jerry Foltz (who is still calling shots) and James Hahn (who is still hitting them) but John Wood could have a future if he ever decides to drop the bag and put on a headset. MacKay could too but he’ll need a lot more help. Despite Bones’ shortcomings both are better right now than a lot of people who are doing it and collecting pay checks.
I don’t think there are many caddies that could join MacKay and Wood in this endeavor (maybe Damon Green or Kenny Harms) but I hope NBC golf explores more opportunities so this doesn’t end up being a “one and done” deal.
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Cover Me Boys, I'm Going In 